dirkstriders:

dirkstriders:

dirkstriders:

dirkstriders:

*writes a book where every character is a thinly veiled humanstuck*

this isnt a funnypost im actually writing a novel! its called “victoria maribeaux is an oxymoron” and its about the mysterious disappearance of vriska-allegory victoria maribeaux and the subsequent questioning of twelve people she knew, told in the style of police interview transcripts. the challenge is “how homestuck can i make it before getting arrested for plagiarism”

twelve people questioned, listed by degrees of separation:

-ariana maribeaux, age 20 (victoria’s sister)

-theresa “tess” pinkman, age 16 (victoria’s girlfriend)

-jonathan ramstadt, age 17 (victoria’s ex-boyfriend)

-roxanne “roxy” la salle, age 17 (victoria’s neighbor)

-carter van harriston, age 15 (victoria’s biology partner)

-reneé merriam, age 18 (victoria’s AP us history tutor)

-nellie lee-jones, age 15 (the game master of victoria’s dungeons and dragons group)

-mina nedjem, age 19 (victoria’s fellow swim team member)

-travis nordstrom, age 16 (sits two seats away from victoria in american literature)

-ava fellisman, age 16 (got into a car accident with victoria in sophomore year)

-alex mcClaire, age 18 (got paid 25$ by victoria to jailbreak her iphone in the eighth grade)

contrary to appearances victoria maribeaux is NOT the focus of this story. the focus is the task of the policewoman that interviews them (jane crandall) to make sure all their stories of the week leading up to victoria’s disappearance match up

for everybody curious about how i disguised the names:

victoria maribeaux—vriska serket

ariana maribeaux—aranea serket

theresa pinkman—terezi pyrope

carter van harriston—karkat vantas

jonathan ramstadt—john egbert

reneé merriam—kanaya maryam

nellie lee-jones—nepeta leijon

roxanne la salle—roxy lalonde

travis nordstrom—tavros nitram

mina nedjem—meenah peixes

ava fellisman—aradia megido

alex mcClaire—sollux captor

jane crandall—jane crocker