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v1als:

I’m not one of those people who would ever claim that I don’t need anyone in my life, because the fact is that that is a very lonely place to be in and at root people are social creatures who need some level (varying from person to person, of course) of human contact. but I’ve been thinking about this, and I think that this can often catch us in a trap, because our need for affection and company can often lead to us putting up with a lot of shit from people, simply because we fear being alone and it does have a detrimental effect on our mental health.

I have a theory that people benefit from social contact with other humans only if a) they want the company and it’s with someone they like, and b) they aren’t forced into or feeling trapped by the company. if the company is someone who treats them badly, doesn’t bring anything to the interaction, or simply is an incompatible personality, this contact will bring nothing beneficial. likewise, if the person is forced into interaction via guilting or (in the case of younger people) parents making them do it, it will not be beneficial. same as if the person feels they have no choice but to interact (they fear repercussions if they refuse, or they feel obligated by a relationship, for example). and the worst thing about this is if you express that you feel lonely, people will point these people out to you and say but look, you do have people! 

yes, you do, but… it’s not the right people. and I think this societal insistence that we are never alone, and that being alone (or having few friends is a bad thing) leads us to really screw ourselves over. we so fear the dreaded Being Alone that we would rather put up with someone who might be even worse for our health than being alone would be. and while being lonely is never nice, no matter how you got there, humans are social creatures. we will connect with someone eventually. and it’s so much better to wait for the interactions you’ll enjoy than it is to put up with the ones you don’t.

interactions with friends, partners, relatives, etc should be enjoyable and beneficial. the relationship should enrich your life. if this isn’t happening, you have every right to bail, even if people try to tell you otherwise.