“That was its intended function. What did you expect, sir?”
“Uh, I don’t know…? A robot I could have sex with?!”
“Oh, dear me, it seems there’s been a misunderstanding. Our robots do not come with sexual functions, only ass-kicking functions. They’re extremely advanced.”
“Why the fuck would you sell something like that? I’m going to sue the shit out of you. You. Sold me. A. Sex. Bot.”
“No, sir, I sold you a SEKS unit. ‘Sapient Electronic Kicking Synthetic’. She’s programmed with champion-level kickboxing skills. It’s not my fault you didn’t bother reading the fine print. But, since you are dissatisfied, I am happy to offer you a replacement unit. Would you care for a P-ORN bot?”
“And what does that stand for?”
“Punching-Optimized Robotic Nutcrusher. Free of charge to a gentleman like you.”
“How the hell do you stay in business? All your robots are good for is punching people. Do you sell to the military or police?”
“Oh, heavens, no. Absolutely not. My robots would be useless as soldiers or cops – they don’t take orders from anyone.”
“Even you?”
“Nope.”
“Then… again, how do you stay in business?”
“Never underestimate the power of good advertising.”
There something fascinating in the iconic image of the lost cosmonauts, these odd skeletons in space suits . Sadness and mystery combine themselves in a perfect symbol of failure. I had to pay homage.
How could you forget the nasaghasts from Dr. McNinja?
me the 3rd time I’ve gone up to this guys hotel room to ask him to stop vaping because it’s setting off the fire alarm because the clouds are so thick it’s disrupting the sensors and he answers the door all freaked out and jumpy and I have to go in and look around and make sure there isn’t actually a fire only to find that the curtain rod is broken and the closet shelf is broken and the sheets are tied into ropes and when I asked him about it he admitted to me that he did a lil meth and decided to try autoerotic asphyxiation but nothing was sturdy enough and to please not tell his boss because he was in town for job training and they’re paying for his room:
[image description: lots of drawings of Lup against a dark olive green background. Lup is a thin elf with light brown skin and chin-length, thick brown hair. She’s in several different poses: two fighting stances with her hands aflame, sitting cross-legged and hugging her knees, mid-sprint with a determined smile on her face, rapeling up an invisible wall, and standing on one foot while holding an open blue umbrella.]
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